PUT YOUR HEART WHERE THE SKY IS

Argh, such a hard self-question.

So a couple weeks ago, a guy from RonnyVanceMusic, a music company, messaged me and jose on youtube asking us if we want to “pursue songwriting” and take music seriously, stuff like that. he gave us the website, and it looked pretty legit and i showed my parents — who went crazy. haha. funnayy.

I finally replied back to him today and now we’re messaging back and forth about music stuff. and dude, i’m HELLLAHELLLA nervous. on the real.

Its always been my freakin’ DREAM to become a famous singer, er, performer. whatevaaa. haha. but yeah! like i’m wondering if i should go for that, or just stick to my reality career: take the nursing field in college.

I mean, i’m gonna be taking classes that are required for good colleges now. like i’m tryna get into anatomy, senior year, cos i’m not tryna do that in college. 0_o hella hard! and idk what else to take before that. haha. still looking into it. but this is my backup, in case my dream doesn’t come true. (wow, i feel hella corny.) but on the reals, i hella want this to happen. been singing since freakin BIRTH, and i’m not gonna stop.

Only time will tell. ARGH.

I just went on an hour doing nothing but eat, drink soda & be on tumblr & facebook. geez, gimme a break. next thing i know, i’m gonna be freakin’ graduating without even knowing it 0_o.

Besides that,

i was just reminiscing about the bay. haven’t been to my hometown in so long, i really miss it. and i don’t really care if i left there when i was in 3rd grade, i just miss the content weather, the people<3, and the fact that it only takes a few minutes to get to jollibee rather than having to drive 30mins to seafood city just for it. -_-. argh. take me baaaack.

Haven’t tumbled in a while actually.

As of the moment, my eyes hurt, and i have a runny nose. west sac youth really helped me today; see where things are and made some things cleared that i thought wouldn’t be for a long time. todays lesson was forgiveness… and i’m still in the process of it. i’ve been dangled so many times and have been asked for forgiveness. and i forgave. yet not verbally. i should let her know.. because i’ve finally learned how to accept her even though she may not be the right, uplifting person on this earth to follow footsteps in. but common sense: not everyones perfect. everyday i’m stepping closer to either the day i die, or the day that Jesus comes back and saves us all for good. i remember this, especially this, because it got me thinking while i was crying my eyes out for the remainder of the prayer. this is the last year she has before i barely see her anymore. these are last moments i have before she probably goes away for college. so i’m not gonna waste a day that i have, from now on.

Each friday i say, “dang, it’s friday again, already?” i should be able to say, “dang, why couldn’t things go slower.” because the worlds not fair. in fact, nothing is. it’s not fair that she gets this and she gets that. but like they say, “life’s hard.” and in life, there are people in it that are waiting for another chance to make things up. and yannoe, i’m gonna give that second chance people like her deserve. harsh past, taking baby steps to what she really wants. i’m giving a chance. and if that doesn’t work out, then that’s just ok. because family is family, blood is blood.

So basically what i’m tryna say is: welcome back into my life, ate.